You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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