I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
