i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
