My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so let's talk penis.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
