Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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