I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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