$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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