i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
