Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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