the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
