Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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