Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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