her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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