I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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