problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
