walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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