he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
