i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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