I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
