I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
