dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sobbing to NWA
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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