Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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