it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
