You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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