i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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