Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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