She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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