One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
