if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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