he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
