Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
