dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Randomize