Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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