Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
