Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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