If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
