You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
