That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
