my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
