broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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