this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
