I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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