GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
