But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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