break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
