So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
