There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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