His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
