There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
