My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
