And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just high enough for therapy.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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