mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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