I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
