Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
