the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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