I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
