Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
