if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
