PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
