Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i believe in u and ur pee
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
