so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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