Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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