you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
