I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
