he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
