I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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