Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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