did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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