Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
