HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
