I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
