I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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