I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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