can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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